I’ll see how far I can get writing my birth story with one hand while Zozie sleeps across my lap and chest :)
It has been 3 weeks since the birth of our daughter, and I am still enjoying the afterglow of that magical Monday morning. It’s funny now to remember how challenging those final days and weeks were leading up to Zozie’s birth. I didn’t expect to be so preoccupied with the looming due date and the barrage of inquiries (both from myself and others) about when labor would begin, when the baby would come, etc...People seemed disappointed that I hadn’t delivered yet, even though I was still days away from the 40 week “deadline.” I began to wonder and worry about whether everything was going to happen in an appropriate timeframe that would allow for our planned home birth.
To distract myself I went about my daily activities as best as I could. I did a bunch of the home labor inducing things like walking stairs, hiking with my dog, eating spicy food, no luck! Yoga was a great release and a place for me to feel at least a little more normal. I practiced almost every day in the three weeks before our daughter’s birth, and I feel extremely grateful for the support of my teachers and all the other pregnant mamas that I shared each class with. There were a couple of times in class that I thought I might be in early labor, but each time I saw the OB she said that I hadn’t yet begun to dilate. :(
The last class that I attended was Sarah’s Saturday class. I remember having felt really out of it and kind of detached, apathetic and low-energy, which is not like me at all. I didn’t think much of it and went about my bust day, full of errands and “to dos.”
It was an exhausting but productive day. That night we got some Vietnamese take-out from the Blue Hen in Eagle Rock (spicy food couldn’t hurt, right) and settled in to watch Friday Night Lights on Netflix. Around 10pm or so I started to feel antsy. I could not get comfortable so I alternated between pacing and sitting on the birth ball. I thought it was just discomfort from our long day. About an hour later, while doing the dishes, I started feeling the lower back pain and crampiness associated with labor contractions. They started coming about every 15 minutes and continued to do so through the entire night. The whole “try to get some sleep” plan didn’t really work for me. The contractions were so strong that I had to get out of bed with each one. They lasted about 45 sec. to a minute so I would get up, walk around then lie back down until the next one. At about 2:30am I noticed some blood and thought that things would start moving, but still the same contractions 15-20 minutes apart. I let Cory sleep through most of it because there wasn’t much he could do to help at this point, and I knew that if I were going to have a baby the next day that I would need him to have the energy and strength that I wouldn’t have. I texted our midwife, Jake, at around 5:30am to let her know what was going on, and she just said to keep her posted. So we got up, canceled our brunch plans (because I didn’t want to have to get up and moan through a contraction every 15 minutes) and waited for labor to progress. It didn’t progress. In fact, it became more erratic with the contractions sometimes 20 min. to 1/2 hour apart, sometimes even more. When Jake called a couple of hours later to check on me, she said that it sounded like I was having unproductive labor. She instructed me on how to stall my labor with some natural methods (glass of wine, warm bath, magnesium) and told me to try to get some rest. I followed her advice and got about 1-2 hours of sleep, but when I got up it was back to erratic and painful contractions. We spent most of Sunday not knowing if we were coming or going. We took a walk to try to get things going, but when they didn’t we tried to stalling technique again to allow me some rest. By 8pm I was tired and frustrated and still dealing with contractions ranging from 4 to 30 minutes apart. It had been an exhausting day for both of us because now, I was asking for Cory’s help through each contraction. They were so bad that the only way to get through them now was with his hands (and a lot of counter pressure) on my lower back and hips.
Sometime around midnight things changed quickly. My contractions were suddenly 2-3 minutes apart...I could barely keep up with them. I called Jake after they had been this way for ½ hour or so, and although she wasn’t sure that this was “it,” she said she would come over and check things out. By the time Jake got to our house I was in the zone. She checked me and found that I was 4 cm dilated! I guess my 24 hours of “unproductive labor” had paid off. Cory put on the “birth mix” that he had prepared in iTunes, and we were off and laboring. I spent the next couple of hours getting through the intense and very frequent contractions however I could manage. Cory and I used all sorts of techniques that we learned form our fabulous teachers Leah, Juliette, and Johnathan, but when things got really painful I just let myself go to a sort of primal place, chanting, throwing my arms up and doing anything else that gave me release. It must have been crazy to watch, but it certainly did the trick to get me ready for the grand finale. This was about the time that our second midwife, Julie, showed up.
I spent the last part of transition on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor. Not very glamourous, but there was no way that I was moving! When I couldn’t stand it anymore I yelled to my midwives that I was ready to get in the water. Lucky for me the tub was all set, and in between contractions I somehow managed to get into the other room and hurl myself in to the birth tub. Ahhhhhh, the warm water was such a relief. I knew that everything was going to be better now. Once in the tub I began having the urge to push. Jake told me to follow my instincts, and after checking to make sure my cervix had taken a back seat, she gave me the “ok” to go for it. Before I did, though, she told me to reach down and feel my baby’s head. I couldn’t believe that she was already right there. This definitely made the difference for me when the pushing got really hard. I would just reach down and feel her and know that we were almost there. I pushed for a total of about 3 hours. I tried different positions (on my back, squatting, on my hands and knees) and for most of the pushing I kept most of my head under the water where it was just me and my baby. Occasionally I would pop up to hear something that the midwives were saying or let Cory know that I loved him but that I was busy. I remember apologizing for “not being more social.” I hadn’t expected the final part of my birth experience to be such a private thing. I thought that Cory would be there right next to me holding my hand, head or back, and that we would do all the hard work together. It really worked best for me, though, to stay in my little underwater bubble and, with the help of midwife Julie, who really coached me through the pushing, get the work done. I was so tired from two nights of no sleep that I actually fell asleep during contractions and then woke up to push :) Occasionally I would notice signs of the morning beginning to unfold outside, but in our bedroom it was pleasantly dark, warm and quiet, and time was suspended.
I cannot tell this story without admitting that there were more than a few instances when I wondered why the heck I (or anyone else) would want to do this. I remember thinking that I would never do this again, and I also understood why women in the hospital would choose to have an epidural. If I hadn’t been at home with all of the comfort and support I might have struggled to have an unmedicated birth.
As the pushing came to an end I became aware of the place that I would have to go to get our daughter’s head out, and frankly, that place scared me. I would get close and then pull back, not quite ready to cross that threshold. At this point Jake, Julie and Cory were standing with a flashlight focused on the baby’s head, and Cory was getting ready to hold it when she crowned. I remember making a conscious decision about which push would get her head out. It took everything I had, and the famed “ring of fire” certainly deserves its name. Woo wee! Just when I thought I couldn’t push anymore Jake told me to stop and wait for the next contraction to get her shoulders and body out. Cory caught our daughter, who was still in her sac up until her body emerged, and guided her into my arms. What magic holding this beautiful baby, who just moments before had been inside of me. I thought, so that’s who was in there stirring things up for that last 41 weeks. We sat in the tub together, she on my chest covered by a warm towel as she checked out this new place. It took her a while to start breathing, and had it not been for the calm and confident energy of our midwives and the peaceful environment we had created in the room it might have been scary. The rest of her vitals were great, and she was still
connected to a pulsing umbilical cord, so we remained calm, asked her to breathe, and held her close. After a few “helper” breaths from Jake, Zozie was breathing on her own and ready to begin this new journey. And just then, the song “Driven to Tears” by the Police came on the birth mix. What timing because at that moment we were feeling just that.
I had such a beautiful, harmonious and untraumatic birth experience, and I truly believe that a lot of that had to do with being allowed to take my time and follow my own instincts and rhythm. I could not be more grateful to my partner Cory and the two incredible women, Jake and Julie, who gave us such incredible care and helped us to create the ideal birth environment. My heart swells with joy each time I look at our perfect little daughter, who is now just over 3 weeks old, and remember the sweet first moments of knowing her.
I wish all of the other mamas wonderful pregnancies and incredible births. We cannot wait to see you all in baby and me class!
xo,
Allison & Zozie Alice (born 6-6-11, 8:33am, 6lbs. 10oz., 20.5”)
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